April 2

Before I begin,

you need to listen to this song. 

It may be from crappy Twilight,

but I love it.

A lot.

Like,

it's been on repeat since four yesterday afternoon.

Anyways...

I need this.

I forget how much I need this.

I forget how much of a catharsis it is

to write out my problems.

Talking to people helps.

Thank goodness for my parents. <3

However,

it's not the same as me mulling through my thoughts,

writing them out,

and finding the solutions in my own way.

People can sympathize and empathize as much as they're able to do,

but unless they're in my shoes,

they're not going to be much help.

Honestly too,

I still can tell a difference. 

(Oh by the way, you're welcome for the vague sentences!)

Anyways, 

I can tell the difference between when I blogged and read daily

versus now,

when I haven't read in weeks.

I feel so much farther from God.

I feel so much lonelier.

I feel so much more frustrated,

impatient,

angry,

and like I'm going to meltdown.

Sometime I wonder if Walter's issues are connected to it too.

Because trust me,

Walter has been THE biggest pain in the butt 

that a stoma could possibly be.

Okay,

that may be a lie.

He could be a whole lot worse.

I should be grateful for how smooth God has made this entire process.

It's just been a train wreck though.

I guess it all started last Monday,

or at least the biggest part did.

 I think Gabby was ready to be changed.

So I changed it.

And went about my day.

Bag Count:1

After my first class of the day, 

I had to change it again.

However, that bag wouldn't stick.

Bag Count: 2

The last one stuck a few hours

until I had to change it that night again.

And another bag didn't stick.

Bag Count:2

That brings our total bag count for the day to 5 bags.

However, it technically needed to be changed even after that because it was leaking through the sticker

but hadn't reached the outside yet.

I just let it slide until the next morning,

me being the lazy person I am.

Normally,

you're supposed to change a bag every three days.

I used about three weeks worth of bags.

That last bag Tuesday morning lasted me until Thursday night.

Walter thought he could trick me,

but I WON!

I AM THE MASTER COMMANDER!!!

That's an Olan Rogers reference if you didn't catch that.

You can find the specific video here.

Anyways,

I caught him before he leaked all the way through the bag/sticker.

I had to change him Sunday morning too.

I can justify that shorter amount of time though.

We went on a hike Saturday.

I got sweaty.

Sweat and stickers don't really mix, by the way.

I toootttalllyyy know you wondering.

TODAY.

Today tried my patience though.

I had to change him again.

I JUST GAVE HIM A FREAKING NEW BAG YESTERDAY.

Well I changed him this morning.

Then the bag didn't hold,

because I had to change him right after lunch.

On top of all that,

I completely missed EVERYTHING we covered in Stats.

I had to try to register.

That involved finding out I needed to add two labs to my schedule,

try to make those fit,

discover that no matter which way I tried it

economics was not fitting into my schedule,

(I REALLY needed to take that this next semester)

and every other option was not valid to fill my schedule 

until I found this computer applying to business class thing that I have to take.

Lame.

Lame to the max.

 Grodie to the max.

Anyways.

Do you know how naturally gifted I am at stats?

NONE. EL ZIPPO. ZIP. ZAP. NOPE.

I hate stats.

With a passion.

The only reason I'm in it

is because my adviser advised me to.

I would much

much much much

much rather be in college algebra.

I can do algebra.

I kind of even like algebra.

Who, what... me?

No way.

Yes...

Whatever.

Anyways,

I'm mentally tired.

Or depressed.

Not depressed in an actual way.

Just like,

I can feel a mental breakdown coming on.

I'm going to need a good cry session soon.

And having that feeling is just like a dragging gloom in the back of my mind.

It's ridiculously dumb.

I would gladly welcome a mental breakdown.

I may look and act like I'm five,

but I feel so much calmer and in control 

and able to do something after.

Now,

let's talk about boys.

Yes, this is my time to complain.

My blog, my rules.

I still love you though.

 If you bothered to listen to the song,

it's about love.

With all this stuff going on with Walter,

I just feel so alone.

Like,

I have my friends and parents to talk to,

but I just need a hug.

An extended hug.

Arms to fall into 

to feel safe

warm

loved

cared for

understood

and to de-stress in. 

I know I've said it a lot,

but it's a constant want in my life.

Which I guess is another thing that comes along with not reading every day.

I haven't prayed for my future husband in a long time.

And in doing so,

I've relied so much more on crushes and longing

than hope and praying.

It's sad.

But, 

if anyone knows a pair of arms willing to take me in,

I'd be glad to take them up on that offer.

Until then,

<3 MG

And of course,

an update via Instagram:

Uh, Hunger Games premiere. Need I say more? Yes, I do. I made this. I can make you one. $15 please, cash only! ;)

It's not that dangerous to take pictures while driving, right? I just couldn't resist.

Needless to say, that drive in happened on a blustery day!

This is the face that I give to guys who hoot and holler from their car. Yeah, that happened.

Sorry, I just needed another picture to update one of my profiles with.

RED BUS PROJECT. CAPS BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME. Anyways, this is the opener, Parke Avery. He's pretty cool. Check him out.

CALEB the band. This time caps because that's the actual name. They're awesome too!

Quite literally, I was in love with the lights. And by in love, I mean completely obsessed. And not in the good way.

Mae Pearls after the concert! A.K.A. frozen yogurt. From left to right: Laura, Kelly (roomie!!), Rachel, and Jessica.

It was better looking when I first got it. This is halfway through and mixed up.

Jeff Bethke spoke at our campus! This was literally one of the greatest things to happen all year. If you don't know who he is, please go watch some of his videos here and here and here.

This is a lake on our little hike.

The group for the day! Kelly, Rachel, Jessica, and Kristin!

Ahhh I finally managed to ENO on campus. This was literally the only spot though. Literally.