April 6

Today has been miserable.

Just,

terribly

and utterly 

miserable.

I just want to quit school again,

and lay in bed for the next two months.

Walter literally did everything he could to push me to a mental breakdown

and it worked.

My mom sent me to my room/to bed

after being ugly to my brother.

Because he wanted ice cream.

I was already planning on eating it.

And there's not much left.

And I want it.

But now I have neither ice cream 

nor someone to listen to me.

I just want a hug.

I want someone to care

and to just hold me.

I want to be five again,

when people told you everything was going to be okay

and they held you

and gave you lollipops.

Now,

everything goes wrong,

and I'm responsible for it.

I'm responsible and no one cares to hear anything else.

"Well why didn't you bring more bags home?"

"Those were the last, I don't have any more."

"Why didn't you tell me before?? BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

"I didn't realize I was that low, and I didn't expect Walter to go through three weeks worth of bags in one sitting!"

I am so tired of living life like this.

I am so tired of being paranoid,

afraid,

and reserved.

I am so tired of feeling gross.

I am so so so incredibly tired of having crap leak out my side,

and feeling like everyone can see.

Like everyone knows what I'm hiding.

I just want to quit.

Quit school,

quit trying,

just quit.

 Walter can't be that much of a pain 

if I just sit in a corner and cry for the next two months,

can he?

I just don't know if I can mentally make it.

I don't know what's wrong with him,

or me,

or the supplies,

but somethings wrong.

I hate this.

Today, 

I honestly just hate my life.

No I don't.

I just am so discontented with my life.

I feel like I'm leading two lives.

One, where I go out shopping and to the movies.

But the second one is always underneath.

Really,

I'm having to buy a ticket to the next showing of the movie,

rushing home because Walter's bag is leaking.

Coming home after the movies and changing it again.

Going out shopping.

Coming home after that to discover that he's leaking again.

-MG

I don't feel like hearts. Hearts are for people who are happy and have people acting like they love them.

Not gross girls who have miserable lives.

Goodnight.